Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Randomize
