I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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