Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
