Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
