Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
