wrigley field is MILF paradise
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
