I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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