if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
