Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
