Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
