I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
