just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
