Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
