lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
