Tell her she can't have a vagina
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
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