I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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