I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
