You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Ketchup is God's man juice
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Randomize
