About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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