Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
