The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Randomize
