Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
