i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
