All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
