listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
