his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
