There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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