We're like a lot better than the average bears
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
