I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
