I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
