Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
