That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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