my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
