He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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