I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
