and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
