i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
