Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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