Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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