Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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