I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
