Don't make out with my wife yet
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
