OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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