I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
