Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
