I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
True strength comes from lack of pants
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
