If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
