Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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