I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
