Quick, to the slutcave!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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