I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
