I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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