My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
